


Not in This Lifetime (try me in the next one)

by Rainne



Series: Thank-You Fics [15]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Alternate Universe - Xena: Warrior Princess, F/M, ares is a fuckboy, i was supposed to pair darcy with ares, this is as close as i could get, weird crossovers, what we used to call uber xena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8915599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainne/pseuds/Rainne
Summary: Ares will always follow Xena around like a sad puppy. Xena's still not having it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sara47q](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sara47q/gifts).



> This fic is part of my Thank-You Fics, so called because they have been written as thank-you gifts to people who have donated to my late mother's cancer fund, which helped to pay for her treatments and end-of-life care.
> 
> I am no longer accepting donations or prompts for these fics, but there are still many to come.

"There you are," said a voice as smooth as silk and twice as slippery. "Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you?"

Darcy Lewis blinked. She'd been alone in her apartment, as far as she knew, and now there was a man standing behind her?  And JARVIS hadn't alerted her?  She turned around very slowly and took in the sight of the man standing in front of her.  He was olive-skinned and dark-haired, wearing a goatee not dissimilar to Tony's and the oddest set of leather armor she'd ever seen in her life - and having been to Asgard a couple of times, Darcy knew from odd leather armor. 

She took in everything from the short haircut to the skintight pants slowly, then looked the guy straight in the eye. "Do I know you?" she asked. "Because I've legit never seen you before.  Are you from some weird Ren-faire-going offshoot of HYDRA?  Because I warn you, I have a friend who can find me anywhere in the universe that you try to take me."

The man chuckled at her. "You don't remember, do you?  Let me help you with that."  He reached out with one hand and pointed his finger at her head, drawing a strange shape in the air.

Darcy blinked, the memories of a thousand lives slotting neatly into place in her head.  "Oh," she said.  "Hello, Ares."

"Hello, Xena," Ares replied, smirking.  "How have you been?"

"It's Darcy," Darcy said.  "I'm not Xena any more.  Haven't been for a very long time."

"No, that's true," Ares agreed.  "The Xena I knew would never have lowered herself to playing dogsbody to those Nordic upstarts."

"Hey," Darcy said sharply. "You leave Thor out of this. He's my friend, and you're an asshole."

"Oh, he's all right," Ares drawled. "But he's a little dumb, don't you think?  I mean, not as dumb as Joxer, obviously, but still."

Darcy rolled her eyes and turned away, picking up her laptop and moving to the desk. "If all you're going to do is sit around here and insult my friends, you can go any time."

"Fine," Ares replied.  "I'll go. But don't think I won't be back."  With a whooshing noise, he disappeared - leaving in his place a very confused Bucky Barnes.

Bucky looked around at Darcy's apartment, then at Darcy herself. "Darce?" he asked. "Shit, did I dissociate again?"

"No," Darcy replied, moving swiftly across the room. She urged Bucky to have a seat on the couch and got him a glass of water before sitting down on the coffee table to study him.  "Okay," she said. "I can explain what happened - and I have a feeling I know why you've started dissociating. And it has nothing to do with _you_ , per se."  She took a deep breath.  "Let me start from the beginning, okay?  A very, _very_ long time ago, there was a woman called Xena who lived in the area we now call Greece..."

When she finished her story, Bucky stared at her for a long time. "Okay," he finally said. "Let me get this straight. You're the reincarnation of this Xena chick. And you know this Gabrielle chick is around but you don't know who she is.  And this Ares guy - the actual god, like Thor - is, what, riding me like a goddamn trick pony?"

Darcy considered this, and finally nodded. "Yeah, basically."

"Fuck that noise," Bucky replied. "Get him off me."

"I'll see what I can do," Darcy agreed dryly.

\---

The next afternoon, ignoring the occasional ghostly chuckle or caress (and thinking very strongly about HR and sexual harassment seminars), Darcy strolled into Tony's lab with some figures for him to check and nearly dropped her StarkPad at the _lack_ of sound - there's no ear-splitting metal playing - there was, in fact, nothing at all playing.  There was only Tony, and he was working on something small at a bench and -

"Are you _humming_?" Darcy asked, incredulous.

Tony paused, cocking his head. "Huh," he said. "Guess I am."  He hummed a few more bars.  "Catchy tune, don't you think?  Could come up with some words for it.  Maybe... oh yeah, a song about me!" He offered a couple of lines in a surprisingly pleasant baritone.  "Tony the Iron Man, handy with a frying pan..." He paused, then grimaced. "Maybe not."

Darcy laughed. "Yeah, leave the songwriting to the professionals, Jox-- I mean, Tony."  To cover her slip, she set the StarkPad on the desk. "Here. Jane wants you to check that for her."

Tony put aside whatever it was that he was working on and picked up the StarkPad.  "I'm on it," he said, and waved a hand at her. "Shoo, lab monkey."

Darcy aimed a halfhearted cuff at the back of his head. "I'll show you lab monkey," she replied without heat. "I'll get JARVIS to cut your caffeine off without telling you."

"Oh, anything but that!" Tony replied in a falsetto.  They both laughed, and Darcy strolled back out of the lab again.

Ares was leaning against the wall outside. "So you found the moron," he drawled.

"Be nice," Darcy replied.  "He does his best."  She turned and started down the hallway.  "What do you want, Ares?"

"What do I always want, Xena?  I want you."

"I told you, I'm not Xena. Not any more.  I'm not that person. And you need to leave Bucky alone.  Stop using him."

He grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him. "I'll use anyone I want.  That's what I do - whatever I want."  He reached out and laid one finger over her heart.  "And you will always be that person, Xena, deep inside," he said, his voice low and his eyes blazing. "You might not be a fighter in this life, but you're still a warrior inside. You can't get rid of that. And that's what I want."

She snatched her arm back out of his grasp. "Don't touch me," she snarled.  "You're never going to have me, Ares, so you may as well give it up."

"I will never give up," Ares replied.  "Not until you're mine. I will chase you through every life you ever have until you give in to me."

Darcy laughed. "Well I hope you're settled in for a nice, long wait."

He smirked back at her. "I've waited this long. I'll keep waiting. You'll give in eventually."  And then he vanished, leaving Bucky, confused, standing there in front of her.

"Darcy?"

Darcy sighed. "I'm sorry, Bucky," she said.  "I'm trying to get him to leave you alone."

Bucky shook his head. "It ain't your fault," he said. "I just wish he'd stop draggin' me out of the shower, is all. At least he had the decency to put some clothes on me."

Darcy's eyes almost involuntarily traveled up Bucky's form and then back down again.  She met his eyes and smirked. "My loss."

Bucky's eyes widened and then narrowed, a slow grin forming on his face. "Really, now."

Darcy laughed softly. "Maybe," she singsonged, turning to head back down the hall again.  "I guess you could try to find out."

"Yeah, I could," Bucky replied, grinning broadly now. "I'll pick you up at six."

"Make it seven," Darcy called back before disappearing into Jane's lab.  "And wear those black jeans; they really make your ass pop."

\---

At five minutes to seven, Bucky knocked on Darcy's door, grinning broadly when she opened it up.  "As requested," he said, holding out his arms to present himself. "Do I pass muster?"

"Well done, Sergeant," Darcy replied, nodding approvingly. "Nice shirt; it really brings out your eyes."

"That's what Jane said," Bucky admitted, his grin going a little shy. "I asked her advice on what to wear."

"Aww," Darcy cooed. "That's adorable.  Let me grab my bag, and we can go."  She ducked back into her apartment, leaving Bucky to admire the sight of her backside in a black circle skirt and tights.  When she came back, she said, "So, where are we going, anyway?"

"I was thinking Leo's, up the block?" Bucky said, naming a place that the Avengers and peripherals often frequented.  "Low key, low pressure."

"That sounds perfect," Darcy agreed, nodding. She took Bucky's arm when he offered it and they headed out.

In the downstairs lobby they passed Pepper, who was just coming in from outside.  Happy was following along behind, carrying several shopping bags.  Pepper stopped and gave them both a smile. "On your way out?" she asked, waving Happy to go on without her.

Darcy and Bucky both nodded, and Pepper winked at them. "Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Aw, Pep," Bucky replied, laughing. "That pretty much leaves out all the good stuff. You're too scandal-conscious."

"Yes, well, when you travel with Tony Stark, you have to be," Pepper lamented. "He's a walking disaster when he's outside of his lab."

"And a lot of times when he's in it," Darcy agreed, and all three of them laughed.

Pepper paused, looking around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard, and then stepped in closer to them. "I don't mean to get personal," she said softly, "but can I ask you - has either of you been having... strange dreams?"

Darcy blinked, and the light dawned. "Were they dreams about traveling?" she asked, her voice quiet. "With a fighter? And carrying a staff and writing stories?"

Pepper sighed in relief. "You, too, then."

Darcy reached out and took her hand. "Me, too," she said, squeezing it.  "You're not crazy. They're true."

"Oh, thank God," Pepper breathed. She stepped in and gave Darcy a quick, tight hug. "Come find me tomorrow, so we can talk?"

"Absolutely," Darcy said, nodding firmly.

They parted then, Pepper going upstairs and Darcy and Bucky heading out.  "So, her, too?" Bucky asked as they started up the street.

"Gabrielle," Darcy said softly.  She didn't need to say any more; she'd already told Bucky everything there was to tell.

"Oh," Bucky breathed, a moment of recognition.  Then, "Did you want to...?"

"No," Darcy said firmly.  "She's with Tony. And right now, I'm with you."

"Hey, but if I'm also this Ares fella, does that mean...?"

"You are _not_ Ares," Darcy replied instantly.  "You are nothing like Ares."

"Aw, sweetheart, I'm hurt," Ares complained.

"Oh, piss off, Ares," Darcy said. "I'm out with Bucky."

Bucky blinked, stumbling slightly. "That son of a bitch," he swore. "I wish he'd fight me like a man."

"He's a god, Bucky," Darcy said softly. "You can't fight him."

"No, but I know who can," Bucky growled.  He shook his head. "Forget it for now. Let's go eat."

\---

Things were suspiciously quiet for a few days after that.  Darcy and Pepper had a tearful reunion in Pepper's office; Darcy and Bucky went out twice more without any further interference from Ares.  Darcy found herself nervously waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And drop it did - right in the middle of team bonding night.  Darcy and Bucky, under the pretense of making popcorn, slipped into the kitchen together to make out, and right in the middle of it, Ares inserted himself like the asshole he was.

Unfortunately, Ares made a misjudgment; no sooner had Darcy lurched back and away from the telltale prickle of his goatee with a cry of disgust than Thor came barreling into the kitchen, Mjolnir in hand.  A moment later, he was standing over Ares, who was lying on the floor looking dazed.  "Foul creature!" Thor shouted. "Begone from here at once and trouble these people no more!"

Ares blinked. "Thor?"

Thor menaced him with Mjolnir again. "My shieldbrother's shieldbrother came to me and asked my help; he told me what tricks you have been up to, Ares, and I will not stand for it.  These people are under my protection!  Now, will you fight me, god to god, or will you leave these people be?"

"I'll go."  Ares pushed himself to his feet, swaying alarmingly, and pointed one finger at Darcy. "I'll be seeing you again, Xena."  And in a flash of light, he vanished, leaving Bucky standing there uninjured.

Bucky blinked, taking in the tableau of Darcy, thunderous Thor, and agog Avengers staring in from the next room.  "Did it work?" he asked.  "Is he gone?"

"He's gone," Darcy confirmed, pulling him in for a hug. "It's all over."

"I hope not," Bucky replied, turning her face up to kiss her. "I hope at least some of it is just beginning."


End file.
